It’s been a bumpy road, oh there’s another bump

The minute I held Aiden in my arms, is the minute my heart softened to the most profound love I think you can ever experience. It’s the minute my heart hardened and made me protective to any threat to my one true love. It’s the minute my heart changed; my soul changed and opened me into the most amazing journey I was about to experience. I never wanted this, any of it. I never saw myself being a mother. I never dreamed of it. I actually feared settling down and becoming a mother. My pregnancy was unplanned, actually that’s an understatement. My whole world crashed, the father left me and I was alone, scared and in denial. I somehow thought if I didn’t accept it I could just go back to being me after the pregnancy was over. I didn’t prepare and deluded myself into thinking that nothing would change. Aiden came 3 weeks early, I had chosen to have a caesarean, birth was painless but recovery was tough. I would still have a caesarean if I had to do it over again. I contracted a liver infection and had to heal from the operation after that with no pain killers. I struggled to feed my baby, to hold my baby, to love my baby.